


It was ShinAya Week at some point

by Tibtew



Category: Kagerou Project, Mekakucity Actors
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, F/M, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Bad at Feelings, M/M, Poor Kisaragi Shintaro, Poor Tateyama Ayano, Post-Episode e12: Summertime Record, Shinaya Week 2020, Unrequited Love, What else did you expect from me, because again, does it still count, everything is vague as fuck and I'm so sorry, excuse the chapter titles I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing, fuck it, if it's a good 2 weeks late, it's there, the harushin is only in one of them I swear, uhhh one of them is at least
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:07:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27178985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tibtew/pseuds/Tibtew
Summary: So. ShinAya Week. Yeah.I am painfully aware of my inability to get any sort of writing done in a timely fashion.Does this still count, considering that it's been - what, 2 weeks, maybe more? Perhaps not.Do I care? Perhaps not.So yeah. ShinAya Week. Prompts will be found in the chapter summaries. I've never done this before.General warning for angst, tragedy and all things KagePro, as well as a lot ofimpliedromance, because there is no god that can make me write in a straightforward manner.
Relationships: Kisaragi Shintaro/Kokonose Haruka | Konoha (One-sided) (Implied), Kisaragi Shintaro/Tateyama Ayano
Comments: 9
Kudos: 7





	1. far from the one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt/Day 1: Unrequited
> 
> Maybe, if she just stopped wishing for something that would never come, everything would be alright.

His hand was free; and so close to hers, too...

Ayano's eyes flitted between Shintaro's hand and hers as a distant sunset dripped over the horizon, spilling into their classroom and casting everything in an orange glow. They were alone, by virtue of her own stupidity and Shintaro's promises to help her after school, so...

She wondered if he could hear her heart pounding.

Shintaro didn't look at her, the brown eyes she couldn't help gazing into fixed straight ahead, probably zoning out again as he waited for her to finish. In the dim evening lights, they appeared an almost reddish hue.

His hand rested on the desk, limp. Ayano sat next to him and wondered if his skin was as soft as she imagined.  
Perhaps if she just reached for it, very slowly...

"Eh? You're still stuck on question two?"

She jolted and a sneer formed on his lips then, that cruel expression she'd seen time and time again but chose to ignore in favour of the kindness within. He didn't deign to look at her proper, briefly glancing at the paper before staring off into wherever once more.

"Heh...I don't get this at all..." 

He sighed, shaking his head knowingly.

"Well, guess it can't be helped. No cure for stupid, you know?"

"Yep!" she stifled the hurt in her voice.

They sat in awkward silence for a few more seconds: Ayano disregarded the fractured pounding in her chest and the burning sensation around her eyes and Shintaro's soft breaths as she tried desperately to focus on paper that increasingly felt like mush in her hands; Shintaro, meanwhile, seemed busy disregarding her in her entirety until he groaned, flung his bag over his shoulder, and stood up. An arm fell limp by his side.

"I've got to go. Haruka and I have a game later."

Ayano raised a hand in feeble protest, but hesitated at the sound of their upperclassmen's name.

It's not that she thought he needed to stay, or anything like that...but...

_(Shintaro always making sure Haruka was alright, Shintaro always checking if Haruka wasn't too strained by their group activities)_

"I-I see..."

_(Shintaro casting glances at Haruka when he thought no one was looking, Shintaro never failing to mention his outings with Haruka)_

Her lip quivered slightly and she allowed it because he wouldn't notice anyway.

He groaned again, rolling his eyes.

"What? It's not like me leaving will change much. I've already explained it to you in the simplest way possible."

_(That shy blush of his; that smile, that awkward, adorable smile she could never hope to draw out of him-)_

The longing hand dropped; it was better like this, anyway.

"Nevermind. Go on without me, alright?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starting off strong (read: weak) with some angst. Next up: more angst (kind of).  
> I've read and reread this so many times that at this point I have no idea if it's any good or not. Feel free to criticise.  
> (Or don't, I'm pretty late with this, after all. "If you snooze you lose" and all that.)


	2. the heart softens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt/Day 2: Holiday
> 
> It was just a formality. He didn't mean anything by it, he swears.

_"It's White Day, isn't it? You deserve this much."_

_Ayano gawked at the chocolate as if it were a third arm he had just sprouted._

_"Hey, stop staring at it like that...it's just a formality, you know, since you gave me that stuff last month...Agh, do you want it or not?!"  
He was rambling, probably because Ayano still didn't say anything, eyeing the offering with the same sort of scrutiny he'd often show Momo's cooking attempts.  
Shintaro watched as the shock gradually dissipated on her face, morphing into ~~an angelic~~ a pleasant expression, her cheeks tinting with an embarrassed flush.  
She nodded, eyes almost brimming with tears.  
"Thank you, Shintaro-kun."  
Ugh, gross. That soft, sappy look on her face was definitely gross and didn't make him want to dunk his head in a bucket of ice water.  
(Was it always this hot in March? He chalked it up to global warming.)_

_As he handed over the packet, he wondered if he'd made the right choice. Ayano had never really voiced her opinion on sweets and he wasn't the type to just ask (plus, she seemed like the type of girl to be happy with most anything given to her), but he didn't want to be one of those idiots who'd brush off the faults of a gift with "it's the thought that counts". He'd asked Haruka, and (shamefully enough) Enomoto for input and felt somewhat confident in his choice, but even then...  
Perhaps he'd overthought it; perhaps none of that mattered at all. Perhaps "the thought" would be enough for someone like Ayano after all, judging by the tender smile she gave both him and the chocolate.  
He still hadn't finished the stuff she gave him a month ago, on account of there being far too much with way more sugar than what any sane person deemed necessary (besides, he wasn't trying to make it last as long as possible or anything) and Shintaro never really had a sweet tooth anyway._

_Valentine's and White Day...they were both such stupid traditions, weren't they?  
It wasn't as if he received much on those occasions besides some of Momo's leftover chocolate (come to think of it, Ayano was the first person outside of family to give him anything, wasn't she? not like that mattered), but he'd always been content with that.  
What was the point in delegating something like love to a day or two, anyway?  
"Whatever. I-"  
He bit his lip. God, this was going to sound _so _stupid.  
"I hope you...enjoy it. Or something."  
He tried to retain an apathetic tone. ~~It didn't really work.~~  
A slight laugh escaped her, and for a moment, Shintaro felt like his whole world was ringing with it.  
"I will."  
**(She was stupid she was stupid that big dopey grin on her face was not cute it was**_ **not _, she was stupid this was stupid and every second they spent like this Shintaro could feel himself becoming more stupid-)_** _  
"Ugh, stop grinning like that! It's not as if it'll help fix your test scores or anything: it's just chocolate, dumbass."  
Her face fell slightly, and though he felt a twinge of guilt, he was too embarrassed to say anything else.  
It was her dumbass fault for looking like that anyways._

__

-

__

"Hey, Ene...do you ever celebrate Valentine's? Or White Day, for that matter?"  
"Eh? Where'd that come from, Master?"  
He chuckled dryly.  
"Nevermind...I guess your kind wouldn't really understand..."  
" _HUH???!_ What's _that_ supposed to mean?!  
Of course a super-pretty cyber girl like me's gotten chocolate on numerous occasions! _You_ , on the other hand..."  
"Th-this isn't about me, you virus! It's a stupid tradition anyways."  
She huffed, crossing her arms.  
"Just because Master has no hope of ever getting chocolate from a cute girl doesn't mean he has to ruin it for the rest of us!"  
Shintaro paused.  
“...No hope, huh...” 

_Yeah…I guess I am pretty hopeless, aren't I?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Queue me pouring an inordinate amount of research into barely 600 words-_  
>  But yeah. White Day. It's pretty cute.  
> This is angsty in the sense that it's a memory, and Shintaro ruins a cute moment for himself by virtue of his own awfulness (haha joking I love you Shin, but please get your act together).  
>  _ ~~also I hate the ending but fuck it I don't really know what else to do with it~~_  
>  This is also a rare case of me using honorifics, purely because it felt right for once.


	3. perishing with grace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt/Day 3: Favourite canon moment
> 
> Perhaps it was then she had realised she loved him the most.

Her hand reached out and clutched empty air.

Ayano Tateyama watched the flowers wordlessly, scarf billowing even after no breeze remained to propel it. In a space like this, caught between the throes of concepts like "life", "death" and "eternity", "common sense", too, was futile - not that she had much of it to begin with.  
"Common sense" wasn't exactly ascribed to hurling yourself off a rooftop in a foolish attempt to restore the crumbling remnants of happiness in your life, no.  
Was the decision to cling to him that day lacking common sense, too? All alone, Ayano wondered.  
She simply wanted him there, wanted to know, wanted to see what he truly felt. Had that been foolish? Perhaps. Had she failed?

Almost certainly - though success couldn't really be gauged from where she viewed the story now.

Well, all of that was over. There was no going back for her, that much she was certain of.  
And yet...  
_(That classroom haunted her.)_  
It struck her as cruel, that the place where she reached out for his hand, his voice, his smile trailed after her even death, even as she left that place far, far behind. It felt like some distant, childish admittance of feelings and it made her wonder, maybe more than she was once comfortable with.  
_(Could she have been enough?)_  
It was unclear now if she could've done anything for him, if years spent attempting to brighten his days were anything but filler to him, another monotone beat in his monotone life - and her another clear, answerable problem.  
Part of her childishly clasped an old ideal, the thought that if she had just tried harder he would finally cave and show the kindness underneath, perhaps even see her true feelings in the process (though part of Ayano long since deemed the requital of such things impossible). She'd wanted to tell him everything, earlier, but…  
This wasn't his war to fight.  
_(The flowers were still. She was sure they didn't need watering.)_

Ayano swore to herself that day - had it been less than a year ago, after all? - that she'd carry this burden alone. Involving Shuuya was something she still hated herself for, even if it was necessary to a certain extent.  
Involving Shintaro, or even just telling him of her problems in vague, broad terms wasn't something she was willing to risk.  
To Shintaro, it wouldn't have mattered; Shintaro wouldn't have cared.  
_(And even then, she would've loved him.)_  
The fact that she was now even considering such things was laughable. 

She lay, and the flowers shaped her coffin.  
She wondered if he'd attended her funeral, if there'd been a funeral at all on account of the body going missing.  
Certainly, Tsubomi, Kousuke and Shuuya would miss her, and Dad, of course - maybe even Haruka and Takane, though the more time she spent pondering on the matter the more she resented herself in their place, leaving all of them behind with so little warning.  
_(Perhaps the memory of Shuuya's screams was her punishment for such things.)_  
Would Shintaro miss her? Probably not.  
The more she thought about it, even against her optimisms, the more she felt like a nuisance in his life.  
Maybe it was time she stopped thinking about that.

She recalled all of it again, instead: the wind against her body and the noise it made, and the colour of the sky at the time; and that floaty, rollercoaster-like feeling in her stomach that grew as she careened towards the pavement…

And there, on the cusp of nil, Ayano felt herself descend again.  
It was all just a stupid, selfish wish, she realised: the desire to see him again, to see them again, to say goodbye; all of that had been thrown away, all too soon - and it was all her fault, to boot.  
"Shintaro...I love you."  
_(Meaningless. An empty plea to save herself from silence.)_

If she fell now, there'd be nothing; no words of hers would ever reach his ears anymore, not against the pounding heat, or the screech of the sky, or the world that betrayed a vacant goodbye.  
Ayano Tateyama closed her eyes and let her regrets run out one more time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, it's the only half-decent thing here!  
> In case it was too fucking vague (which it is, and I'm sorry), this one is framed around Ayano's time in the Daze as portrayed by Additional Memory. I was originally thinking of doing that wonderful scene in the anime where they reunite, but guess who couldn't help writing angst instead?  
>  _miserably points at self_


	4. that which falls and grows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt/Day 4: Toumei
> 
> They were just flowers, after all. They wouldn't hear him, no matter how loud he screamed.

Shintaro Kisaragi watched her cry all alone and did nothing to stop it.

It was better this way, he told himself, sleepless, because it wasn't as if he could solve any of her problems anyway. He'd just make things awkward and uncomfortable for the both of them, and besides, he didn't want whatever issues she had weighing him down. He had his own troubles to deal with, after all.

Two years later, and that excuse still didn't work.  
Shintaro Kisaragi, now eighteen and a shut-in, lay awake in his bed grasping for the few merciful strands of slumber that would come to him.  
On occasion, he'd pass out from sheer exhaustion, but even that didn't last very long; usually, he'd be up in no less than an hour, struggling to fall asleep once more.  
The image of that flower always returned.

Shintaro didn't think he could pinpoint the breed, not when he was a half-conscious, delirious mess like this, nor when he had first seen it, but he'd be damned if he couldn't recall _where_.

_August 16th. Almost two years ago now. The seat next to him._  
Right beside the window, as she had been.  
Shintaro had eyed the other students angrily at the time, carrying that bouquet with tears in their eyes - idiots, all of them.  
What could _they_ know about Ayano?! About the struggles she faced? The things she hid from the world?

What did _he_ know?

He was just as bad as the rest of them, perhaps even worse - within arm's reach but deliberately distanced, always brushing off the things she'd say even as they brought him joy within his uneventful life.  
God, just what sort of "friend" was he? What kind of "person" had he been to her in the first place?

Right when he had realised, too.  
Right when he had wanted to tell her, too.  
He'd forgotten one thing. A small thing. An unmistakable thing.

Ayano was gone, so the flowers had taken her place.   
And no matter how many "I love you"s Shintaro said to the vase, he knew the words would never reach.

Perhaps they had been better off never meeting then.  
Perhaps if they'd just never met, the flowers wouldn't be there to replace her.  
Perhaps if he'd simply taken her hand that day, the hand that had always reached for him so eagerly, she wouldn't have had to feel so alone.  
Shintaro told himself this as he inadvertently pictured her grave, the funeral he didn't attend, and even the relatives that may have visited her afterwards. Ayano never spoke of her mother, nor did anyone else, so the only image that came to mind was one of a brokenhearted Mr. Tateyama, silently mourning the loss of his only child.  
He rubbed his eyes: the image felt...wrong. Intrusive.

Back to the flowers, then.  
If they were flora and flesh was to turn to blossom, Shintaro thought she'd be azaleas - sweet and fragile yet common enough to go unnoticed; unexceptional enough that the average fool would leave it on the side of the road, even as it fought and struggled and withered and died.

Just as he had left her.

"Grow up", some people had said to him, but he couldn't.  
"Grow up and learn to move on".   
It was an intrinsic part of adulthood, he registered, cutting one's ties and losses with those dead, those gone, but he just couldn't do it.   
They were his friends, his first friends, his first and only friends; and she too, his first (and only) love.  
Maybe those people were right; maybe the grief _was_ getting to his head, after all.  
He didn't think he cared.

Sleep would come again soon; and her smiling face, obscured by petals, inevitably would too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Dani for making automatic angst an option, I didn't need to think too hard about this one.  
> As with the previous prompt, I have discarded the option of simply making the two of them interact in favour of making one pine for the other, because I'm awful at actually writing these two being human beings (you'll see later...boy, will you see...).


	5. the cherry blossoms outside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt/Day 5: Favourite AU
> 
> Perhaps the way she made him feel was the one thing he couldn't forget.  
> Perhaps he was wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, preface because I need to explain the AU:  
> Dubbed "KageHell", this is an AU where abilities grant the opposite of the user's wish. Example: Kido gets Drawing Eyes, Momo gets Concealing Eyes, and Shintaro here has god-awful memory.  
> I have slightly tweaked it to make it so that he only forgets whenever his ability is activated (in the original AU he forgets everything after a day), since that just makes more sense to me.  
> Ayano's ability is also slightly different wherein she's able to "absorb" the emotions of others (so it's not a _direct_ inversion of Favouring Eyes, but I prefer it).  
> Credit for the idea goes to @minitar0 on Twitter - if miscredited, feel free to correct me.

"Hey...I've been told a lot about you. It's time we left, I think."  
The girl that sat at the desk barely a metre away, flecked with the colours of an eternal sunset, did not look like the girl they had described to him.

It didn't take much for Shintaro to discern this fact; from the unusual calm in her face to the reclined, slumped way she sat facing the window, her entire being carried the sense that she could not care less - which, if this was the kind and caring "Ayano Tateyama" they had told him about, was notedly off the mark.  
Still, Shintaro's heart thrummed with the sort of anticipation that could only mean he had the right person, and so he gave her his best attempt at an encouraging smile.  
“Sorry for not realising sooner. I know I kept you waiting.” he added quietly when she didn’t respond.

"Hah...it's already time?"  
"Ayano" sighed, a lazy, drawn-out gesture that reminded him of something sinister he couldn't quite place, then turned towards him pleasantly.  
"Well...I suppose I won't miss this place anyways."  
There was an empty smile on her face and an even emptier look in her eyes. Shintaro briefly wondered whether two years like this had been any good for her at all.

She stood up, hands clasped behind her back, expression darkened.  
"But, before we go, Shintaro...do you want to know something stupid?"  
He winced at the word slightly: although pressed for time, they hadn't failed to mention his past treatment of her (really, he wondered how he'd gotten to this point at all) - and even though that was partially his ability’s fault, he couldn’t help but feel responsible for the tinge of rancour in her voice.  
The girl just smiled and raised a finger to her lips. She stepped closer, grabbing his sleeve, leaning into him.  
It was too much; _she_ was too much. Vision clogged with her fragile image, Shintaro’s eyes darted between the harsh black of her uniform and the soft umber of her eyes.  
He could feel his heart pounding now, a flustered, quivering melody, and wondered if she could hear it too.  
What was that emotion again, the one that he was so sure of? What he felt when he thought of her-

"I loved you, you know."

Red. All he could see was red.  
"Wh-wha?"  
There was a scarf wrapped around his neck, he slowly realised, a crimson shade not unlike the one donning his face, probably.  
She giggled and drew back slightly.  
"I have nothing to lose. You'll forget soon enough, won't you? Just like back then..."

Perhaps. He didn't have anything to say to that.  
Her smile dropped, a brief flicker of concern that he was sure would’ve smacked of the girl he was looking for once upon a time.  
"Hey, it's okay. We have a war to win, don't we?" she muttered with almost soundless bitterness.  
For a second he could see her eyes turn a bleeding scarlet, the warm, listless glow mirroring the fabric against his neck and the suspended sky outside. It was an otherworldly colour, and yet one he had become intimately familiar with, no matter how many times he forgot.  
As long as she wore it with such pride, as long as it gleamed in their eyes, as long as it dripped from the sky, he couldn't truly forget.

And then it was gone.  
That lingering feeling he'd held onto for so long; the feeling that told him that this girl was it; the feeling that burned his face and kept his gaze on hers, kept his heart beating for hers...  
"There...better, right?"

Vacant. His heart felt about as vacant as her eyes, which were brown.  
Nothing special. Just brown.

Ayano smiled knowingly and let go of her scarf.  
Rather handy - he was just beginning to feel a bit cold, too, despite the summer heat.  
"That was my 'ability' just now." she explained, though it didn't really need explaining, "I call it 'Revoking'. It allows me to-"  
She seemed to catch his disinterested expression and laughed curtly.  
"Ehehehe…you've already figured it out, right? We should go."  
"Right."  
They left the classroom, letting the mirage crumble as they walked side by side into the real world.

At least he was calmer now, though left with the distinct impression that whatever she had taken from was something important, something that even his power didn't seem capable of erasing; something he may have been better off keeping after all.  
But now that it was gone, Shintaro figured it wouldn't be long before he forgot that detail, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requited feelings?!  
>  _ ~~Well, we can't have~~_ ~~that _-_~~  
>  Also vague, symbolic title, woo-
> 
> Honestly I really like this AU and would love to explore it more in the future (preferably KageHell Saeru because you know how I am). Maybe once I've finished everything else I need to be writing...


	6. will you carry this love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt/Day 6: Proposal
> 
> No matter what, you know you want her by your side.  
> Even if you don't deserve it most of the time.

Okay. You can do this.  
Breathe, Shintaro, breathe. She's sitting right next to you, you don't want to look bad.  
You've been dating for a good year now. She's bound to say yes.  
_Then again, you are kind of a jerk, and weak, and hapless under most social circumstances so maybe this really isn't something you should try - and what's Ayano doing dating someone like you, anyway? Perhaps you're both better off-_  
"Maaaaaster! Are you listening?"  
Right. Ene.  
You totally don't flinch at the sound of Enomoto's voice blaring in your ear and continue watching that movie Ayano had invited you over to watch.  
"Master, remember, the plan is simple!" Ene drones in your ear through the wireless earpiece you'd surreptitiously slipped on earlier in case your nerves caught up to you and you'd forget basic motor functions or something, "All you have to do is wait for the movie to end" (around 10 minutes by your estimate) "and ask her before you leave! Now, you don't want to mess this up! Don't forget to-"  
Yeah. Not what you would call romantic, per se, but at least it's pretty hard to screw this up (you're sure you'll find a way).  
Ene carries on for a bit longer, occasionally quipping about this and that, gradually becoming irritating enough that you have to fight the urge to throw the earpiece across the room (or at least shout at her to shut up).  
3 years. 3 years you've known her (as Ene, though you suppose Enomoto wasn't much better), and she's just as infuriating as ever.  
Still, she has a point: you don't want to mess this up. You _really_ don't want to mess this up.  
Ayano is everything to you; if all of love could be personified, if all of grief and sorrow could be twisted into happiness and dyed the shades of an everlasting sun, that’s her. That’s your wonderful girlfriend, but she’s also so much more and you love her for it.  
Some days, you feel like she's the only reason you wake up.  
Perhaps that's exaggerating things. You don't want to put too much pressure on her, after all.

The movie ends, some action flick about a superhero she really likes, you vaguely register.  
You hold her hand, ignoring the way your heart races as your fingers interlace.  
"Shintaro..." she smiles at you, and you swear it's the most adorable thing on earth, "thank you for tonight."  
"Y-you're welcome." you stutter slightly. Something about this night feels more intimate than all the other nights you've spent together (probably because you know what's coming next).  
You clear your throat.  
"Ayano, I...I have something to say."  
Don't panic. Don't mess this up.

"You know, I...I don't think I talk about how much you mean to me, not enough...  
How much you’ve done for me. How much you’ve really…’saved’ me. The things you’ve taught me...  
You’ve made me...so, so much happier than any person should, you know.”  
Your gaze shifts from the (very interesting) carpet to her face. Warm. Adoring.  
“I want to spend the rest of my life...repaying that debt to you. Bringing that sort of happiness...to someone like you.”  
You fumble for words, and reach for the bouquet you'd left next to the couch in search of a safety net.  
Chrysanthemums. You didn't think you were that original.  
"Of course, if you don't mind."

Ayano doesn’t say anything for a few seconds.  
There’s a softness in her expression, a sense of affection that calms you (even if only slightly) because it reminds you that she (somehow) loves you just as much.  
“Shintaro” she begins, and you almost want to disappear right then and there because how could anyone so wonderful be talking to _you_ (a quiet “keep it up, Master” from Ene thankfully derails that train of thought), “I…”  
And now she’s just as red as you undoubtedly are because she wasn’t expecting this, how _could_ she, this was meant to be a cute movie night, not a _proposal_ (you really should’ve planned something in advance - Ene was right when she said you haven’t got a romantic bone in your body, oh god), but she’s smiling, _why is she smiling, this is so awkward-_  
“We’re already dating.”

 _H-huh?!_  
Enomoto snickers in the background and you let out a sound only comparable to a confused moose. Meanwhile, Ayano retains her (apparently clueless) expression.  
You attempt to compose yourself. Breathe in. Breathe out.  
~~It doesn’t work.~~  
“I-I know that! Th-that’s not what I meant...” perhaps that comes out as more abrasive than you intended.  
Ayano giggles slightly (she’s so pretty she’s so pretty you can’t take this anymore-), then gives you a coy look, “Oh? Whatever did you mean?”  
_Is she...is she teasing you?_  
You sigh, exasperated, and look away in shame.

“I...I’m asking you to marry me, dammit..!”

Only now does it dawn on you that you’re still holding her hand.  
You let go bashfully and your now free hand rubs the back of your neck - a habit - the other outstretched, holding the bouquet. You’re still not really meeting her gaze, but not really looking anywhere else either.  
Again, silence befalls the two of you before Ayano speaks.

“Shintaro.” she begins again, gently lowering your arm and taking your hand in hers, “You don’t ‘owe’ me anything. You’re not my boyfriend because you need to ‘repay’ something, you’re my boyfriend because I love you.”  
You try to mumble something in protest, your gaze flitting between her and the floor, but she continues, quieter.  
“And...I want to bring happiness to you, too…”  
The hand that isn’t holding yours turns your head towards hers, and you hold your breath for a second as you take it in...take _her_ in.  
There’s a determined look in her eyes now, those tender brown eyes that always seemed to be filled with so much fondness, so much longing.  
“But not just that.  
The ‘happy’ times. The ‘sad’ times. The ‘vulnerable’ times. The ‘triumphant’ times.  
Even the ‘hateful’ times... I want to spend them, every second…”  
She brushes a stray hair from your cheek and leans in. The bouquet drops to the floor.

“With you.”

“Is...is that a yes?”  
She laughs shyly.  
“Well, what do you think?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gasp! Second-person present-tense _fluff_?! In my third-person past-tense _angst_ collection? And it's the longest fic here?!  
> It's more unlikely than you think.  
> I don't know how I wrote this, don't ask. Halfway through my chest started feeling all warm and tingly and I had to take a break to realise that no, I'm not dying, that's just the feeling one gets when writing something _not_ absolutely soul-crushing. Huh.  
>  ~~ _Maybe I should do this more often-_~~  
>  Also, did you know most women in Japan don't actually receive rings during proposals? Cultural differences, am I right?  
>  _ ~~no really it's pretty interesting, I think I spent too long researching for this one too~~_  
>  Anyways, have this...uh, thing of these two being idiots ~~(and forgive the awful formatting)~~. I love them. That is all.


	7. small thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt/Day 7: Whatever you want
> 
> Again, we come back to that same summer day.  
> Again, we meet in that place.  
> Perhaps, if I could simply find what was said at the time...  
> Perhaps, if I could simply find what you said at the time...  
> Ah...of course...  
> Well then...I look forward to it.

I always enjoyed watching the sunset, you know.  
Especially then, when we walked home together; the sun would dip below the horizon, and then we would be bathed in the orange hues of the dying day, and you would quicken your hurried pace.  
I miss those days. Do you?  
You always seemed so unhappy, no matter what I did.  
Maybe if I told you how I really felt, you'd tell me how you really felt too. Maybe then I'd understand…  
Ehehehe...I always have been dense like that, haven't I?  
Maybe it's not such a good idea after all. You probably don't feel the same way, anyhow.  
And then what would you think if I went and died? What would the world think?  
I've never really given it thought, but now that it's inevitable...

"Tragic". A "nothing you could do" situation. A death spurred on by heartbreak.  
Is that what they would see it as?  
What would _you_ see it as?

Maybe you wouldn't see it at all.

Hey...those tears running down your face...  
Are they yours, or the "other" you's?  
You don't know, huh...  
Well, I suppose there's nothing to be done about that.  
Hey...I'm right here, you know? All this time, I haven't disappeared.  
All this time, I've been waiting. Is that cowardly?  
You know, I thought I was doing the right thing at the time.  
But maybe...maybe I was just looking for an excuse to die.

Eh...it's so hard to tell now…maybe it's been too long.  
I miss you, Shintaro. I really do.  
Haruka misses you too.  
Everyone misses everyone here.  
But it’s alright. If nothing else changes in this place, my feelings might as well stay the same too.  
You’ve grown so much. I wonder how the others have grown.

Let's meet again when the future is bright, alright?  
Perhaps then...I'll finally tell you...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Going out with a first-person shortass "bang", woo.  
> This is (again) vague as all hell, but, in the same vein as the third one (which was framed around Additional Memory), is framed around Lost Time Memory - specifically the two of them meeting in Ayano's Daze.  
> I'm sorry I keep explaining everything, I'm kind of tired and I just want this to be done already.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading through what was essentially ShinAya Week: Oops, All Angst Edition.  
> I hope you were sufficiently entertained by me skirting around the prompts and barely writing any requited romance.  
>  ~~ _Now excuse me while I crawl back into my cave-_~~


End file.
